Helping Others-Natural Compassion

Helping Others-Natural Compassion
©Judy H. Wright



Sometimes, helping others is as automatic as breathing. It comes natural for many people. They radiate nurturance and acceptance to those they come in contact with during their daily journey.

Those who have open hearts and giving spirits tend to reach out to others in a caring way. They have an instinctive response when they see another person or animal who seems to be suffering or in need.

In my work as a trainer and educator, I have the privilege of working with two groups of these caring and helpful angels: those who work with children and those who work with the elderly. Frequently they are underpaid and certainly misunderstood by those who don’t recognize what value they add to our world.

It is their ability to help others who are vulnerable that indicates their true nature of natural compassion. They notice the signals of struggle, both verbal and non verbal and respond with kindness. Those with natural compassion help wherever and whenever it is needed by their charges: cutting the meat, going to the bathroom, putting on a jacket.

Helping others is so automatic to them that they see with eyes of mercy and empathy. Caring and compassion are reflexes.

If you are in a position to say thank you to a teacher, parent or CNA at a nursing home, please do so. They may have developed compassion as a habit, but the rest of the world who sometimes hesitate before helping others, should not take their actions for granted.

Rather, we should emulate and follow their example.

As we all work on becoming better people tomorrow than we are today, we can use assistance. If you are interested in learning more about the power of encouragement, receive a free eBook by clicking on http://www.UseEncouragingWords.com this book was written by Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, the storytelling trainer who conducts workshops on mutual respect and kindness. To join her teleclass series or see the other books and articles available see http://wwwArtichokePress.com Join us at we find the heart of the story in the journey of life.

Grief, Sympathy and Support - How to Offer Comfort When Someone is Hurting

What do you say to someone who has just lost a child to death? What do you say to someone whose parent has died from a lingering illness? What do you say when a family member lost their life in a war you don’t believe in? What do you say when the death came about from murder? Or suicide? Or drug overdose?

An odd by-product of my loss is that I’m aware of being an embarrassment to everyone I meet. At work, at the club, in the street, I see people, as they approach me, trying to make up their minds whether they’ll say something about it’ or not. I hate it if they do, and if they don’t….”

- C.S. Lewis from A Grief Observed

It is often easier to say nothing than risk saying the wrong thing. However, the death of a loved one is the worst thing that can happen to someone and so to ignore the survivor, or fail to mention the loss, is to add to the hurt.

Friends and relatives need to talk about the loss and to know that they are safe in discussing it with you. They need to be reassured that you acknowledge their feelings, concerns and actions. Once you have accepted that a death has occurred and that the loved one needs your support and sympathy, there are ways to help the survivor.

• Do continue support after the funeral.
• Do listen when they need to talk about the death, person or the impact on them,
• Accept where they are and don’t try to hurry them through their grief process.
• Don’t compare their tragedy to someone else’s or your own.
• Don’t expect them to counsel and comfort you.
• Never say “I know how you feel” because you don’t. Each loss is unique.
• Do provide practical support-food, money, car rides, babysitting etc.
• Do provide social support and remind them you are available to listen and help as well as go out in public.

There are lots of ways to give verbal support and sympathy. Non verbal communication is the language of relationships. If the survivor is in shock, they may not remember what you said, but will always remember what you did.. Sometimes a pat on the arm, a hug, cleaning the house, raking the leaves, filling the car with gas, or writing a note lets the survivor know that you care.

These are just a few of the ways to let others know that you are aware of their sadness and acknowledge their feelings. When you offer a hand of sympathy and support, you help the survivor know they are not alone on this journey. Will it always be accepted with gratitude? No. Should you offer the hand of love and acceptance anyway? Yes. This is not about you. It is a way to honor those who have died and those who are left behind.

Saying Goodbye to a Loved One Who is Dying

Standing at the bedside of a parent or friend who is in the process of transitioning out of this life is not an experience most people prepare for and many find overwhelming. You can be so traumatized that you neglect the opportunity to tell that person how you truly feel. Sharing and listening can be a final gift to your loved one. It can also be a great spiritual experience if you are open with statements and ministrations of love and best wishes.

Hearing is the last sense to go. Elicit the cooperation of others in making the passage a sacred event, by verbally sharing happy memories and stories. Focus the sounds of voices on making gentle conversation. There might be soft background music but turn off the TV or radio. Do not expect a response from the dying because their limited energy is involved in important work.

Acknowledge the positive aspects of your loved one’s legacy. Take turns listing the gifts and lessons the dying person has given to you and to the world. This is a time to reassure them that they will not be forgotten and that his or her life had value.

Celebrate and acknowledge the special times, talents, and teachings you have shared. Search your memory for good times, but don’t look for the major moments, rather the small, insignificant at the time moments, that you remember. This is a final acknowledgment of the gifts that the dying has given the living and neither the gift nor the person will be forgotten. Use this time to express gratitude and reassurance that these legacies will live on for generations.

What is Comfort Care?

What is Comfort Care?

Comfort care means COMFORT, not cure. Our scientific and medical cultures are trained and geared toward cure, treatment, and results. It is often difficult to move from this modality into comfort care only.

Such things as lab work, blood sugar reading, monitors, antibiotics, artificial nutrition, food and water, meds, continued chemotherapy, insulin and other result and data gathering procedures may need to be questioned as the dying process progresses. We must ask what will truly comfort the dying person, both physically and emotionally and let this guide our actions.

Caring, nurturing and comfort can most often be accomplished without medical procedures or even food and water in most instances. However, if these things comfort a dying loved one it may be beneficial to continue them. Check frequently with the person for any desire for change or requests to discontinue any of these measures.

Some hospitals and nursing homes have comfort care units. Even in these units families and caregivers are encouraged to continue to ask what will truly be of comfort. We encourage families and care givers to continue acting as advocates for their loved one, to ensure that their needs and wishes are being met and respected.

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This information is from a new book by Judy H. Wright and Jane Franz on the loss of a loved one. Watch the website and blog for more information. We welcome your input and comments.

The Dying Process - Psychological Stages

As you and your loved one move into and through this time it may be helpful to better understand some of the psychological stages that may be experienced.

Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross describes the “stages of dying” in detail in her book, On Death and Dying. They can be briefly summarized as follows:

1. Denial - "No, not me." This is a typical reaction when a patient learns that he or she is terminally ill.

2. Rage and anger - "Why me?" The patient resents the fact that others will remain healthy and alive while he or she must die.

3. Bargaining - "Yes me, but . . .!" Patients accept the fact of death but strike bargains for more time. They promise to be good or to do something in exchange for another week or month or year of life.

4. Depression - "Yes, me." First, the person mourns past losses, things not done, wrongs committed. But then he or she enters a state of "preparatory grief," getting ready for the arrival of death. The patient grows quiet, doesn't want visitors. "When a dying patient doesn't want to see you any more," says Doctor Ross, "this is a sign he or she has finished his unfinished business with you, and it is a blessing. He or she can now let go peacefully."

5. Acceptance - "My time is very close now and it's all right." Doctor Ross describes this final stage as "not a happy stage, but neither is it unhappy.

These stages provide a very useful guide to understanding the different phases that dying patients may go through. They are not absolute; not everyone goes through every stage. Nor does every person go through them in this exact sequence or at a predictable pace. However, knowing that these stages exist can be a valuable tool in understanding why your loved one may behave in certain ways.

Is this a sad season for you?

Holidays are very emotional and bring up all sorts of feelings. Mingled in with the joy of seeing small children's eyes light up, are the sad and hurtful memories of lost ones. We miss them and wish they were back in our lives.

Everyone feels blue at times and it is "episodic" or once in a while. When to be concerned is when it turns into a "chronic" or ongoing feeling of despair.

Our family has a history of depression and so we must be on the alert if the emotions are in a downward spiral. If the saddness lasts more than a couple of weeks without experiencing happy times, then we know to use methods that have worked in the past.

• Sunshine or a light box
• Journaling our blessings
• Talking to family members or friends and listening to their rational advice
• Excercise, even walking gets the blood moving and the blues running
• See a councelour, who has been effective in the past
• See a physician for medical assistance to jump start the journey back.

Good luck and God bless. This is a stressful time and you will make it. I believe in you.

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke

www.ArtichokePress.com

www.AskAuntieArtichoke.com

I need help with this blog! Do you want to barter?

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