Standing at the bedside of a parent or friend who is in the process of transitioning out of this life is not an experience most people prepare for and many find overwhelming. You can be so traumatized that you neglect the opportunity to tell that person how you truly feel. Sharing and listening can be a final gift to your loved one. It can also be a great spiritual experience if you are open with statements and ministrations of love and best wishes.
Hearing is the last sense to go. Elicit the cooperation of others in making the passage a sacred event, by verbally sharing happy memories and stories. Focus the sounds of voices on making gentle conversation. There might be soft background music but turn off the TV or radio. Do not expect a response from the dying because their limited energy is involved in important work.
Acknowledge the positive aspects of your loved one’s legacy. Take turns listing the gifts and lessons the dying person has given to you and to the world. This is a time to reassure them that they will not be forgotten and that his or her life had value.
Celebrate and acknowledge the special times, talents, and teachings you have shared. Search your memory for good times, but don’t look for the major moments, rather the small, insignificant at the time moments, that you remember. This is a final acknowledgment of the gifts that the dying has given the living and neither the gift nor the person will be forgotten. Use this time to express gratitude and reassurance that these legacies will live on for generations.
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2 comments:
Hi Judy:
Just a quick comment on this excellent article. Sometimes in the final stages, a person might see or hear things that others cannot. This needs to be accepted as a part of the process. As well, those with the person who is dying need to talk about how wonderful it will be for the person when they pass over. (i.e) No more pain, fear, etc. and that their loved ones will be waiting for them.
Take care,
Martha
Dear Martha: I am still trying to get a hold on this new technology, so just saw your comment today.
You are so right and I appreciate your insight.
I was telling my mom how beautiful she would look in the casket and who would be speaking at her service when she died. I descriped which dress I had picked out for her and was painting her nails when she took her last breath.
What a beautiful experience.
Love,
Judy
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